Venting goes here...

Hue, Vietnam
October 6, 2003

No contest for this propaganda, sorry, it's so obvious what it means. This billboard marks the 11th 5year plan for Tourism Discouragement and Fleecing. The seemingly friendly people on this billboard, from all walks of life, are presenting their packs of postcards and chasing tourists from across the street. Meanwhile the military and an elderly chap, slightly reminiscent of Uncle Ho, look on approvingly. The words underneath directly translate to:

"Buy Postcard? Very cheap. Where are you from? I have not sold any today, it is a very bad day. OK, next time you buy."

The emblem in the middle is the official endorsement of tripling actual retail prices for foreigners. Meanwhile everyone is shown in clean clothes with smiles. I wonder what the billboard for urban assault cyclo and moped taxi driving looks like....

Vietnam's two-tier pricing system:
As best I can figure, here's how it works.

Tier 1:
If you're local or native, you don't have to know how much someone wants for something, you just have to know how much it should cost, and then you pay that much.

Tier 2:
If you're selling to a foreigner, then it's whatever you can get away with. Your bottom price HAS to be at least double what you would normally charge a local. If you start at about 10 times the going rate then the stupid tourist will think they're getting a great deal when you finally agree to only 5 times the going rate. Remember, that dumb ass tourist doesn't know any better, and they have no idea they can buy the same thing just down the street. And even if they do go just down the street, your buddy Vong is going to drag them through the same routine, so they might as well just buy it from you.

Now, sometimes the tourist will begin to sense that something is not right with the process and will decide to take their business elsewhere or not buy at all. Remember, you're not ripping anyone off if you don't sell them something and if you're not a cut-purse or pick-pocket. If they do decide to split, you can come down a notch, you've got plenty of room to drop.

One of the better way to lock the tourists in to the highest price possible is to open a soda or serve them a soup without any discussion of price. Once you've done that you can demand whatever price you want. Make sure that while they're eating you badger them with postcards, straw hats, cigarettes, and cyclo or motorbike tours. This way by the time their done eating you've worn them down and they won't resist as hard. Go for 5 times the going rate. When they scoff, ask for triple and insist it's a reasonable price. When they give in and pay you double, make sure they know they're assholes for ripping you off.

There are a very limited number of exceptions to this process. One is train tickets, this is too highly visible and can't be worked this way. The government is officially phasing out the two-tier system, so basic transportation for tourists should be even. However, make sure you plant a hotel rep or two on each train to try and make sure you get them in the expensive rooms by making it easy. Also, tourist activities can be charged differently than locals, because once you've gotten them there, what're they going to do otherwise? They'll pay.... Another exception is when the product being negotiated for is very cheap and your business is down. For example if you are selling steamed buns from the back of your bicycle. The steamed bun, as everyone knows, goes for 1,000d. When the tourists watch you sell one for 1,000d, don't worry about it, you can still demand they give you 2,000d to sample your fine culinary prowess. When they walk away from the sale, you can sell them the bun for 1,000d (as you normally would) but be sure to give them the vegetarian ones, not the meatball that you promised them. Once they've bitten into it, what are they going to do, return it?!?

Tourist Defense
So far, the best defense I've found is to determine a price prior to agreeing to purchase something. Or ask a local you can trust about where to eat, or to go with you. Tour guides are not it. Cyclo drivers are not it.

For fending off the persistent cyclo's, motorbikes, postcards and money changers, when the closer one ignores them and the one farther away says no thank you a couple of times they'll generally get the hint. If they don't, try ignoring them and see if they'll go away. I've found that counting how many times you say "No Thank You" on your hands drives the point home a little more clearly. Stopping dead in your tracks and turning to them, with just a hint of aggression as you snarl "No" and "Bye Bye" will generally drive them off. For the most persistent I've had to get to the point where I tell them off. They invariably split at that point, if they know you're really pissed.

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